Rough Drafts Are Supposed To Be Rough

It surprised me one Saturday morning not too far behind us when I awoke to a mixture of yearning and twinges of sadness but absolute warmth and hope only being made more satisfying by a sense of trust, happiness, eagerness, loyalty and.... Love that I had for sure never felt before in my entire life. (Well.. I'm speaking in regards of feelings towards another person that isn't my son.) Amazed at how I felt, while contemplating the many reasons that had been allowing me to feel this way, I kept going back and forth between trains of thought that my mind was chasing after. After several hours (actually it took all day) I finally understood. Well, let me rephrase that. I understood as much as a two year old would understand in a college calculus course. Absolutely nothing. Though I do understand that the way I feel is... forever.


May life be as beautiful and full of happy surprises as always.

Another bunch of things I wouldn't want to leave without doing

22. See The White House
23. Be a bridesmaid
24. Learn to speak Italian.
25. Stand in at least two states at the same time.
26. Celebrate my birthday anywhere but Stanislaus County.
27. Stay up for 96 hours straight.
28. Have more than thirty stamps on my passport.
29. Just stand on a roof. Or ... Anything as long as it's on a roof. Lol
30. Learn any style of ballroom dance (except swing because I can already do that.)
31. To understand why the packaging of hot dogs and their significant other.. The buns doesn't add up.
32. Have a valentine... That is NOT a family member. Lol

Brains and things

I am addicted to  how the mind works. How drugs, exercise, vitamins, death of a loved one can all affect our brains. I'm obsessed with abnormalities, tumors, all kinds of severe lacerations.. You name it, I've probably already thought it over and then some. I've been thinking a lot about my problem with cancer. That you never know. You just never know. Oncology really gets to me. Leukemia, cancers of the liver, tongue, prostate, uterus, you name the organ and you can probably get cancer there. Even in the brain. So I don't really know what the difference is to me. Why I feel like I can cope with some forms of the disease and why I feel like I could never cope with other forms of it. It's strange. I know that I don't know what it's like to be sick hardly at all. A cough and a sniffle is no where near what is to be considered sick in comparison to what people battling cancer go through every day. I can't wait to help people with their ailments and I'm so excited to get in there and just save some freakin' lives.

This I know for sure.